This post definitely deserves to be here.
Stone runs his own Charisma Arts death squad in the Bay Area. He's a very reliable compadre in the game and recently has been writing stuff that are golden, even when he's sick with a flu (yet manages to get girls to his house to give him a "sponge bath").
And by the way this isn't theory. Its battle tested stuff.
We've been there, we've been one and we've needed one at some point or another. Sure it's a great challenge to go out by yourself but to me personally, I consider pick-up a really good team sport. It fosters bonding, camaraderie and team spirit between brothers.
During the weekend, my usual wing (Serum) invited a natural to hang out with us. I can't say it was totally a pleasant experience but every time he brings somebody new, I always tell him to explain to whoever the guy is about the basics of Winging. Unfortunately, not all newbies pick this up at the get go and they sometimes end up ruining sets, especially naturals. Anyhow here's the concepts I usually put out there about Wing Dynamics.
Whoever opens the set gets the pick. The basic request. Of course we always want the prettiest of girls in a particular group and we usually go for it whenever the opportunity presents itself. However, the prettiest girl might not be the sharpest tool in the shed or may have something wrong with her and the cute girl in the group other than the prettiest might be Ms. Right, which brings me to my next point.
Observe before coming in. I usually remind new wings to not just come into my set without trying to figure out at least who I'm targeting. Do not just come in for the sake of coming in, which brings me to my next topic.
Do not come in if I don't need you. I can't be any more blunt than this but if for some reason you're still dense and do come in, simply come in to just increase comfort levels with my target by building me up.
Help me when I do need you! If you see some cblocker coming in and ruining the dynamic of my group and you're not doing anything, please come in and help me out. F*ck I'm not Superman.
Body Positioning. Coming into my set is easy but at the same time, be aware to not block me from any of the girls I'm talking to, especially my target. I've been known to rudely reposition wings if they happen to block me.
Do not ruin the flow. Listen to my conversation first before you start opening your mouth. I really hate it when a newbie comes in and starts creating a new tangent of conversation. For example, if I am pumping BT when I am sexually escalating the conversation in my set and then my wing comes in and starts asking what they do for a living, rest assured, I will not call you up anymore the next time I go out because you suck.
Do not hover. If you're in my set and you're running out of things to say, excuse yourself and move away. You can always come back whenever you do find your tongue again. Now this brings me to an important topic.
Tell me the sets you blew. This is important simply if by association I can be cool, by association I can also be a loser as well. I don't want to have a good time with my target, then introduce her to my friends to find out that my friend (wing) said something crude to her earlier and ruins what I worked for.
Things I learned and I hope you learn too.
If you’re sitting at home thinking “I’m kinda lonely, I think I want a girlfriend to enhance my life…” Then hey, there’s no harm in thinking that. We’re all here for different reasons. BUT, if that’s what you want and you go out thinking “I just want to improve my social skills…” Then, there will be a huge incongruence once you get to the point of escalation. You have to look deep down and be clear about your intentions as you’re learning this.
I’ve had different eras or sagas in my dating life. There was a period when I was a “notorious player,” when resentment from a past hurt motivated me to date as many hot girls I could. And I was very successful. Did I have an e-book tell me what to say? Nope. I knew what I wanted so I acted as that. I was cocky, somewhat manipulative, and challenging. There were girls who loved that, and there were who didn’t. Did I live a life of drama? Yes, and add a few death threats too. Either way, it was a period in my life I will never regret, because I learned A LOT of lessons there that I consider priceless. I had around 6 or 7 girlfriends at one time, and sex was as easy as breathing.
Then, I also had a time when I realized all that notoriousness wasn’t all that good and wanted one girlfriend. I just wanted someone intelligent, socially savvy, and physically attractive to be my girlfriend. Because of that, I calibrated my approach to dating. So, for 2 ½ years, I had one girlfriend, and she was all that I wanted. I loved her, and my family loved her. My social life was awesome with her, and both our professional lives were on a high because of being mutual motivators and “being in love.” My life was blissful, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Then I went single again, and realized I had various business goals and lived in a new city. So, I wasn’t necessarily looking for a girlfriend, nor did I have the same motivation to become a notorious player (plus I wasn’t ready for the drama), so I had mixed goals. I started going to school, and started to have friends. So, my mindset was, get a new set of friends, and have fun and socialize. I didn’t have a game plan or the logistics to close, but my goals were accomplished. By the first month, I had A’s on my grades, and I had a group of good friends to rely on.
Later on, this pick up artist buzz started, and I realized how fun it was and how I started feeling that whole “I think I want a girlfriend” attitude, so with my friends I started doing this stuff. I ended up dating a few girls, rolled up some one night stands, and what not. Once the buzz around it started, I said to myself, “I want to be an expert at this,” So, I set out on that task, studied and practiced 10,000 + times, and that eventually lead me to be a coach for Charisma Arts. I remember well that my friends here in San Antonio felt like I was drafted into the NBA or something. They hoisted me up on their shoulders.
The common thing in all those periods, was that I was able to accomplish ALL my goals. Why? Because I had a CLEAR MINDSET on WHY I was doing what I was doing. If I were to re-write the ABC’s of dating, A would stand for ATTITUDE.
Now, teaching for a few years now, I’ve realized a huge trend from guys coming into this. Some guys come in this with goals that severely contradict each other.
Look at these 4 things:
“I want to improve my social skills”
“I want a long-term girlfriend”
“I want one night stands”
“I want to date lots of girls”
Some might say that you can accomplish all 4 if you go out and practice. BUT IN REALITY, it will be a long, tough road, laden with very, very sporadic results. Now, unless you’re okay with that, go with the “accomplish all” mentality. But if you’re going for consistency, you can’t just go that way.
I have past students such as German Falcon, Stone, Eric L who are notoriously dating and seeing a whole pipeline of girls. We’re talking 5 girls simultaneously. Now, is that a coincidence? Do you think they just went out thinking “I want to improve my social skills” and this just happened? Do you think they even really think, “long term girlfriend?” NO. They actually up the ante on their skills, have actual day 2 or 3 transitions, and devote TIME into making this goal a reality. And no, they don’t want a girlfriend. To most guys, they don’t even have the time to date even if they approach every weekend. So, I tell you, set time for this. If you save up all your social time for the weekends, then forget it, because you’ll need to set time aside to actually convert these numbers and actually do a second meet up preferably when its NOT Saturday night.
This is what they wanted. And they do practice notoriously. I remember Stone said something like “I’m not going for less than an 8 in looks.” Hey, I’m not going to judge that. It’s no surprise that he’s dating escorts and bartenders from trendy night clubs. He goes 4-6 nights a week. Not because he wants to “practice social skills,” but he wants to notoriously date very attractive women. I know for a fact that German Falcon has tons of girls he regularly sees; apart from the new ones he meets everyday.
I have clients like Ch from Austin, or The Lion from Dallas who simply just want to get laid, and 2, 3 weeks down the line they do. Did they have to learn everything? NO. They just learned enough stuff to get them laid. If their goals change down the line, then they have to adapt their mindset and calibrate their goals to the new mission.
On being sociable -- Learning to be sociable and actually accelerating your dating life, is almost like comparing apples and oranges.
I know LOTS and LOTS of people who are social hubs and have thousands of connections, while having zero or a negative romantic life.
Why? It’s because although being a social connector will indirectly move you forward into meeting more people and enhancing your life, it also requires a lot of WORK. Imagine, all the text messages, calls, meet ups, the name-remembering and the parties. Unless this is what you really want, don’t expect a lot of sex in return.
This is why I am not really a social hub. Sure, I have friends and social circles, and I can act as one in any social situation, but there is no way I can be a connector 24/7. My way of handling that is to have friends who are social hubs. If I have a party or event, I can trust my social hub friends to bring close to 7-10 girls each. In Charisma Arts I know Chad is pretty good at this. He even mentioned there were people who did only this (connecting and socializing) for 24 hours straight.
This is what you focus your game plan on, on what your true intentions are.
Here’s a real-world example --
You – Being sociable without any preparedness – blind and Incongruent
You go to a club, where there are lots of hot girls. Is there a reason they look hot? Let me see, to socialize? NO. They came out in hopes of looking for a romantic mate. Get that in your head. If you have another reason why they go to clubs, hit me up on email. I could be wrong. Anyhow, you approach the girl, you have the skills learned from practice, theory, as well as a previous boot camp, and things go really well…
There’s incongruence in attitudes:
You – being sociable
Her – finding a mate
Look at this incongruence right here.
First off, in your mind you don’t want to get romantic with her, heck even if she were tossed to you in a silver platter there’s no way in hell you want to sex her. Your mind is not ready nor do you have the intestinal fortitude to push through. You don’t have any day 2 mechanisms and most probably even if you did get her to “have coffee and a good conversation” you wouldn’t know how that transitions to sex.
Re-read that last paragraph. If you’re not getting anywhere in your dating life and you’ve been approaching for awhile this is probably why. Now do you understand that everything starts with attitude?
So, you take her number…
Your idea of a call back is something like “Hey Johana, it’s me Troy, what are you up to?”
You call, she takes it, and you have this urge to “build attraction…re-connect, re-build that connection….”
It’s going nowhere, and later on she flakes. She’s never heard from again.
When you are going out blind with the wrong reasons, you don’t escalate. You don’t even have the mindset or the logistical mechanisms to set things in motion
When I’m interacting, I’m sure that I do have a game plan. I do know places which we can have a relatively low-pressure meet up to be ourselves. I also know how to transition from there to back in my bed room. Plus, I am ready for any sexual advance that might happen ANYTIME in the interaction. I’m ready to make out, do some foreplay, heck, and even have sex in my car if I have to. Even before I get her number I’m already telling her about what will happen. I’m bringing her into my life, my reality. So when I take that number it’s as easy as “remember what I said about playing some songs together? I’d love to do that with you. What days are you available in the week?” She KNOWS that there is DIRECTION as to where this is going. In her head, she’s thinking “We meet, play some tunes together, I get to express myself, I get to know him more, we share some intimate moments, and we have sex by date 3.” That’s what’s on her mind even before she gives you the number. Can you imagine what would happen if you had an empty game plan?
Let me give you an easy way I can figure out if a guy knows what he wants
I call it “The Congruency Question”
I simply ask my clients “What would you do, if you were out in a club, and a hot chick comes up to you, saying…I want to fuck…”
What would you do?
If your answer is somewhere along the lines of “uhhhhhhhhhhhh….errrrrrr…..” Then you must re-evaluate your goals.
In conclusion, you have to re-evaluate your intent into this, because once you do, you will have a clear cut desire and a well-thawed out game plan consisting of goals and objectives to get you closer to that ideal lifestyle.
Don’t go out blind. Go out prepared
Sounds pretty impromptu, but I have a few guys who requested me to teach Charisma Arts over there either this month or next month. I'm not too big on doing Euro trips until around June, but heck I've heard a lot of good things about Germany and I think I'll make an exception this time.
If THIS is what I can expect over there, you KNOW its gonna be mayhem all over again.
email me for boot camp details.
All the best